1. Cutting Your Own Bangs: Really this applies to any home haircut, but the self trimmed bangs is especially traumatic. You think it can’t be that difficult, I mean you learned how to cut in kindergarten and it’s just a few tiny snips. So you shun all advice from people who have mutilated their own bangs and go for it, after about 3 cuts you realize THIS IS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT THAN I THOUGHT! Do you stop? No, of course not, you can fix this just a few more snips and…oh sweet unicorn dreams what did you do?! Maybe you can tell people that you were going for “edgy and asymmetrical.” Your real friends will lie and say it doesn’t look that bad, your sister will tell you not to worry that bangs grow out fast (she’s lying), and you will learn how to rock a beanie, regardless of seasonal temperatures, for the next few months.
2. Scoffing at Sunscreen: It’ s the first warm day of the year and you can not wait to get outside to the beach or by the pool and get some color on that skin you have been hiding under a puffy jacket all winter. You will convince yourself science has no idea how your skin responds to the sun and that you need a “base tan” before you can worry about sun safety. Lying there basking in the UV rays, sans SPF, you will dream about how good you are going to look in all of your white linen clothing items you should dig out (and iron!) from the back of the closet. After your fry session you will check out your “base tan” in the mirror and think, “huh i got a little red, but it will totally turn that perfect brown tone.” The next morning will be the worst day of your life as you make an emergency run to the drug store and buy them out of aloe vera gel while spending the rest of the day wishing you were sitting in a bath of ice cubes. Oh, and then the really sexy part starts: your skin peels, but you are going to look so good in that dress girl!
3. The 45 Minute Cutoff Time for Domestic Flights: You have finally scraped enough money together to take a real adult vacation, and although you will only be gone for 3 days you are hauling a massive suitcase stuffed with 3 weeks worth of clothing options to the airport. Phrases like “I have plenty of time” and “the plane won’t leave without me” churn through your brain as you step into a bag check line that rivals any Disney theme park. You are not moving, what is taking people so long…don’t they know you have a flight to catch?! You finally get to the front of the line, heave your suitcase on to the check in scale and say a silent prayer that it is not overweight. The airline agent glances at their watch, then back to the computer screen and says “you missed the check in cutoff time.” You will go through the beg, barter and breakdown stages trying to get them to change their mind. The won’t care, they will book you on the next flight. Now you know why people drink in airports, they have either arrived way too early for a flight to ensure they make the bag cutoff or have just missed it and are waiting for the next flight.
4. Straying From Ikea Assembly Directions: This thought process goes something like “It’s just a bookshelf with 3 shelves and I am college educated how difficult could it be?” I’m not sure how to describe the feeling of having a few steps left until assembly completion and realizing you attached a piece upside down or backwards. It’s never just a quick fix, it is always the most critical piece you mess up, the piece that requires you to take apart everything after step 2 and start over. While you curse Swedish design and fix another martini this guy is just smirking at you with the “I told you so” face.
5. Forgiving Yourself: We all make mistakes. If you have ever been a teenager you disappointed and/or infuriated your parents, as you mature you will hurt people you care about, and if you have children they will probably tell you that you ruined their life. One of the hardest life lessons to learn is forgiving yourself, but carrying around guilt or talking down to yourself is just unacceptable. Most of us are really beautiful people, there is no reason to let the myth of perfection make you forget the greatness you bring to the universe. Start each day with the intention to do better, and then do it. Now let’s high five to how awesome we are!
What else would you add to the list?